So heard onions are at 80 rupees per kg in India. You don’t know how elated I am to hear this news. No no, don’t get up from your seat to beat me or think of words to throw at me. First let me explain my thoughts and then you decide what you want to do to me. OK – So I like the news because I can buy onions as gifts for guzillions (not really you dumbass) of my relatives in India. “WTF?” you said, right I heard you. Ofcourse it makes sense. Don’t you think? When a one-and-only son of Indian parents goes to a foreign country and stays there for a long time, he is expected to bring back expensive gifts and that is precisely why I am elated. Well, just think how many Thank Yous I am going to get from them. Uncles who’ve had that Royal Stag with a chicken curry cooked without onions for a while would absolutely love to get back the old original flavor of the curry. Think of little nephews or nieces or cousins and when you think about them also think of those fried onion rings or pakodas that your mom cooked every Sunday to have with Ketchup and bread, and that you never really liked, but now you really miss because you can’t afford to waste onions by frying them in oil and eating for leisure. Bloody taste-buds! And its not just about taste-buds it is about responsibility as well. Say for cousins who have got a job recently. Those who are feeling proud of their accomplishment and wanting to show they have finally stood up on their two feet. “Yes. What?” you said. Well, just imagine how much meat these bloody onions are consuming out of their pockets. Well so I want to be nice to them too. Get an onion card (don’t jump), fill it with 500 rupees and give the damn card to your cousin. Simple. Sealed. No questions asked. None answered. It is an amazing concept isn’t it – Gift cards. I’ve always admired how people here use cards for every purpose. Why carry money? Anyway, I digress. Point is – onions are the best gift this year. Laddoos? Throw them in trash! What? Someone said, eggs are 50 a dozen. Wait, here I come!